A THEOREM OF ATHEORISM

Personal, Science — jrgreen @ 12:30 pm

After dinner at work last night, I met a new postdoc working down the hall from my office. I said hello, attempting to overcome my social awkwardness, and asked what type of research she does in the chemistry department. She replied “I’m an experimentalist. You, ahem, must be a theorist.” Whoa!

How in the spirit of chemistry did she know?! So I asked. She replied “I can just tell.” Baffling! Then I looked down and realized the first corollary and theorem, in my developing theory of how to not behave like a theorist (hereby termed atheorism):

Corollary 1: Chicken noodle soup shrapnel on a shirt is neither necessary nor sufficient to indicate someone is a theorist.

Theorem 1: Chicken noodle soup shrapnel on a male wearing a t-shirt that says “Visionary Women: Challenging assumptions and inspiring change” from 1993 is sufficient but not necessary to indicate the male is a theorist.

It turned out that I had forgotten to bring dining utensils with my dinner to work. Slurping Campbell’s chicken noodle soup seemed like a good idea at dinner time. Forgetfulness is also typical theorist behavior and will be a later theorem, when my sinful theorist nature catches up with me.

Sincerely,
A devoted atheorist

< 7 AM VOTING

Personal, Politics — acosta @ 6:42 am

It’s 6:42 am, and polls opened 42 minutes ago here in Indiana. I was 5th in line at my polling place at about 5:51 am, just in time to watch the live news report and be on camera for a few minutes. This was my first primary vote, my first in-person vote in Indiana, and actually my first at-a-machine vote in history (Oregon is all vote-by-mail).

Man did they have issues. As soon as polls opened, each one of their check-in machines crashed at least 10 times. They thought it was due to high activity around the state on whatever servers run the system, but find that sort of hard to believe — it’s not as though everyone was really powering through at 6 am. Though they had tons of issues actually getting people to the polling machines themselves, once I was there, it was surprisingly smooth. Dare I say the voting experience itself was perfectly acceptable. I have no idea what types of machines they were using and my thoughts on electronic voting machines are well known, but absent these more theoretical complaints it couldn’t have gone much better.

This is probably the first election I’ve voted in where there’s some major ambiguity as to who will win (the democratic nomination). Cross your fingers everyone. Cheers.

HAWAII, FINALLY

Personal — acosta @ 1:08 pm

Many (some) of you might remember my last attempt at going to Hawaii. It was after my first year of college and myself, shollen, aboone and ifriedrich (no he doesn’t contribute to Vdov but I have to keep things consistent) had planned to go and stay there for about a week. I had tickets and everything. Then I came down with an absolutely horrific case of mono and couldn’t go. Shollen, aboone and ifriedrich went without me while I was lying on either the couch in my house or in a hospital bed. Awesome.

Well, tomorrow I finally rectify this as I’m traveling to Hawaii for Jason & Mica’s wedding. I’m in Honolulu tomorrow night then Molokai till Monday (where I have an 8 hour layover in Honolulu, I think I’ll go exploring). Not only is this going to be an awesome trip, but it will be the 45th state I’ve visited. That leaves only Alaska, North Dakota, Louisiana, Mississippi and Arkansas left on the list.

I really have no idea if I’ll have internet access there so you may or may not see Twitter feed updates from me during the trip. If not, trust me, I’ll be enjoying being completely unplugged and unable to be contacted. Otherwise, of course, I can’t help myself.

Cheers.

TOWN HALL WITH OBAMA

Personal, Politics — acosta @ 8:35 pm

Tonight I went to a town hall meeting with Senator Barack Obama in Lafayette, Indiana. Those of you who know me well are well aware of my feelings on the candidates, though I don’t consider Vdov the appropriate venue for that kind of analysis. As such I’d rather talk about the “Town Hall” experience rather than specifics about Obama and his platform. I had never been to one of these rallies before and it was a pretty interesting experience.

I had to show up and wait nearly 2 hours in line yesterday to get tickets for this town hall, and I showed up more than 2 hours early to get an even slightly reasonable seat. Now, it was a relatively small venue (a high school gym), and pretty much everyone had a decent seat, but I didn’t know that ahead of time. Getting into the venue was more or less going through an airport security checkpoint, only a bit worse. Not only was I “metal-detectored”, but I had a *very* complete wand scan as well. At about 5 o’clock, someone came out to recite the Pledge of Allegiance. This was interesting: I probably hadn’t said the Pledge of Allegiance since middle school. Then a pastor came out and gave a prayer. Another 20 minutes passed by before a major political figure in Lafayette/West Lafayette came out and gave a sort of pre-rally pump-up speech on issues important to her and those that would conceivably be addressed by an Obama administration. It was all pretty mundane up until the final speaker introducing Obama to the crowd. He was a regular guy from Lafayette who owned a small business, and who had obviously never given a major speech to that many people (over 3000) in his life. Most striking was his choice of attire. He was dressed in a ratty sweater and kakhis. I imagine this wasn’t intentional, though I have since decided that it was probably a play to the audience: before the big-wigs come out, get someone truly “of-the-people” to speak. Then he introduced Obama.

Obama looks exactly like you’d expect him to. The only other even pseudo-celebrity I have ever met/seen in person was Matt Fox (of Lost and other fame), and he looked completely different in person than he does on TV. Not Obama. I could have sworn I was just watching a youtube video or reading a Drudge Report headline when he took the stage. The only thing I’ll mention about the speech itself was that it was refreshingly original in structure. Yes, he talked about exactly what I thought he would talk about, tailoring it slightly to the Indiana audience, but the flow of the speech was new (at least as far as the videos I’ve seen of him previously … they are numerous). Standing ovations were abundant, as expected. However, it was only after the speech that things got really interesting.

He took questions. And the questions from the audience were interesting. The first question came from a middle-aged to slightly-over middle-aged woman who had obviously experienced some significant hardship in her life. There’s no question that she had real, serious problems that she was concerned about. But her 15 minutes of fame was ill-conceived. Instead of asking a well thought out question, she instead droned on about everything that was wrong with her life in great detail, to the point where it just sounded like she was whining. Then she says “what can you do for me *before* you get elected to fix all my problems?” Absurd. Here she actually has the opportunity to ask a real question and instead decides to kill her opportunity. I realized afterward that her question effectively boiled down to and would have been equivalent to her asking Obama to come over to her house and fix her broken down TV, an obviously ridiculous way to spend your time with a direct voice to the candidate. Obama did what he could: in this case all he could do is address some of the issues she brought up and those he had specific plans for, and try to come out of it looking good and with a cheer from the audience. He certainly succeeded.

The rest of the questions were fine. A cute little elementary school girl came out and asked a question her parents had obviously written down on a card for her about national and sub-national testing in elementary and secondary education, for which she received a standing ovation. It was a good question, and the audience responded in kind. Other questions were directed at specific issues, such as his thoughts on the election of supreme court justices (the most interesting of the questions and a policy of Obama’s I had not heard before), environmental policy, free trade agreements, etc. etc. etc. At the end Obama thanked everyone for their time and gave his farewell. After which he shook a lot of hands and exited the gym.

All in all it was a very interesting experience. Obama is a charismatic speaker, I think we can all agree on that. And regardless of your politics, I recommend trying to attend a “Town Hall”-like event in the future. It was really a lot of fun.

BEST BIRTHDAY QUOTE SO FAR

Personal — acosta @ 12:15 pm

Yes, today I turned 25 … a quarter century. I can no longer fool myself, I am supposed to be an adult now. At least that’s what I thought, until I talked to my Mom who said, “back in the 60s and 70s, the mantra was, ‘don’t trust anyone over 30′, so I’d say you don’t have to be an adult until at least then”. Awesome.

Then Shawna sends me this birthday message:

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
you are a quarter of a century now
which if you live to be old means you have already lived 1/4 of your life
and you have chosen to waste it doing chemistry
at least now you are doing physics masqueraded as chemistry

I laughed. Cheers.

A FEW PICTURES THAT HAVE MADE ME LAUGH

Personal — acosta @ 2:04 pm

Microsoft Ultra Genius Clean complimentary laundry detergent! Made with a sprig of Galileo and a hint of Einstein. Feel the zest of your future!

Has your genius lost it’s zip? Need some help to restore your drive? Don’t be frustrated even the brightest of the bright need refreshing sometimes. Introducing Ultra Genius Clean! Concentrated cleansing agent that invigorates your genius and freshens your mind. Wash away inanity and restore that clever bounce with the suds of your future …. Ahhhhhh …..

From Microsoft. Yes this box (pictures here and here, apologize for the crappy resolution iPhone takes terrible pictures in low light) was placed on my desk in my office at work last week. I still don’t know who it’s from, but it made me laugh. There’s also a web site associated with it: http://hey-genius.com/. It sort of reminds me of that Google billboard advertisements for people. You know, this one:

{first 10-digit prime found in consecutive digits of e}.com

The solution is easy. A really cheap easy solution is here, though there are others. Please forgive the formatting of that post … it was a long time ago and vdov.net has changed substantially since those days.

Also, check this picture out. I took this at a gas station in West Lafayette, IN about a week ago. See if you can figure out why I think it’s funny.

Vdov seems slightly more alive as of late. Cheers.

MY SUPER POWER? [UPDATED]

Personal, World — jrgreen @ 3:27 pm

Living in Chicago I’ve had some interesting experiences. For instance, someone tried to mug me on the train. I survived unharmed and with the three dollars I had in my pocket. Luckily the mugger only wanted an iPod from me (the muggee) and I didn’t have one. I can only speculate that he had stolen someone else’s iTunes account information.

It took some not-so-gentlemanly banter to convince the mugger to move along. Had his assault on me escalated, he might have received a smack on the head with the maths text I was reading. I didn’t remember until later that you should never bring a maths book to a gun (or knife) fight. Imagine an analog of the game rock-paper-scissors called gun-knife-maths!

Last week I drove to Midway Airport. While stopped at a light I made a phone call and a man approached my car. He wanted money so I kindly signaled him to move along. He ignored my polite gesture, knocked on my window and yelled something unintelligible. I stared at him blankly. As he turned to go I noticed he was holding a cell phone to his ear. It all made sense. Apparently his cell phone company is over charging him too. He must have been yelling “Can your hear me now?”

There have also been a number of instances of indecent exposure (not by me) during my train rides to and from home; public urination seems to often happen around me or immediately preceding my arrival. So often, I’m beginning to believe that I am a superhero whose super power is inducing public urination. Admittedly, I need to work on better harnessing my power in case I have to battle a supervillain; it’s well known that most other super powers are deactivated by soggy (external) underwear and public humiliation.

Three months and counting, until I move to Cambridge, England. I wonder if my super power will work in the UK.

Update:

Rock-paper-scissors (RPS) is based on the non-transitive property: R > S, S > P but R < P. If RPS were transitive: R > S, S > P and R > P. Transitive RPS wouldn’t be much fun: rock always wins.

Similarly gun-knife-maths (GKM) should be non-transitive so that G > K, K > M and G < M. Correction to my original post: Bring a maths book to a gun fight but never to a knife fight.

FIND THIS PAINTING, EARN MY PRAISE

Art, Music, Personal — acosta @ 5:24 pm

While I was studying 20th century music at the end of my music major at Bowdoin, I was shown (by someone, I have no idea who) a painting (i.e., on canvas, not a musical painting) that Shostakovich did, entitled “Self-Portrait”. Or at least I think it was called “Self-Portrait”, regardless that is what he considered the painting to be. As Shostakovich has for some time been one of my favorite composers (if not my favorite — his string quartets are among my favorite music ever written or played; Even now I am listening to the 4th movement of no. 11, and some of my fondest memories as a violist stem from the playing of these quartets), I sometimes go on long searches to find whatever book this came from or some reprint online or *something*. To date, though, I have never found it, and any search for “Self-Portrait” coupled with Shostakovich returns a series of his musical compositions which bare that name. If anyone out there knows anything about this painting, please post something about it here!

The painting is very somber, almost depressing. It depicts a man with very little definition walking away from the point of view of the painter. The color palate is very dark, as I remember. I would estimate that only 15% of the frame is taken up with the walking man and the rest by his surroundings on the street he is traveling down. This is how I remember the painting, though I never fully studied it and my memory could be very flawed. But, he’s definitely walking away from the point of view of the painter.

If I could remember who showed that painting to me (over 4 years ago now), I would just email him/her. My memory is not that good.

Cheers.

THE RADIO REVIVAL [NEWS, MUSIC]

Links, Music, Personal, Podcast, Site — afischer @ 11:00 am

Rt. Rev.You have all probably forgotten that once there was a podcast on this site. The podcast isn’t coming back but something very similar is! That’s right, the Rt. Rev. Fischer, like Lazarus himself, has risen from the tomb. I am now an official DJ for Brown Student Radio (BSR). They liked me enough to give me a 1.5 hour timeslot on Saturday starting at 5:30. You can listen to it streaming live or you can get after the fact at my very own archive of the show. The on air radio station is WELH Providence 88.1FM. However, you are not going to hear my show on the actual radio airwaves. This is because BSR shares their station air time with The Wheeler School, a very nice private high school in Providence. So Wheeler broadcasts from 6:00am to 7:00pm and BSR gets the rest of the time. My show inconveniently ends at 7:00, just shy of actual airtime. Hopefully, I can get a real on-air slot over the summer (who knows?). There are a lot of things that are nice about BSR compared to my former radio home WBOR Brunswick 91.1FM. It is a more tightly run ship, their website is much better, and their internet broadcast is much superior. The drawbacks are a meager 150W broadcast tower (compared to 300W at WBOR), the fact that they share the air time with the Wheeler School and a Spanish language station, and they really make you work to be a DJ (8 hours of service a month… not that bad really). However, BSR is trying to get a license for a Low Power FM station under the official call letters “WBSR.” Low Power FM stations are something that I have wanted for a long time and in my opinion would radically change the US music scene if they proliferate. For more information check out The Prometheus Radio Project and the Wikipedia article on LPFM. I am planning on generating a good rant on the FCC and its problems, corporate radio, LPFM, and various related topics, but for now just know that the Rt. Rev. Fischer is back on the air.

A TEN YEAR BM

Personal — jrgreen @ 5:47 pm

This year I will celebrate the 10th anniversary of my Belushi movement (BM). This post is my public call to action!

[Some background: In 1998 I moved to Cleveland, Ohio to attend Case Western Reserve University. With the exception of a half dozen white undershirts, I left all of my shirts behind. For those of you that don't know me, this was a tragedy. I am a connoisseur and collector of fine, Goodwill t-shirts.]

One Friday, I left class and headed home for the day. Outside the university building were credit card company representatives, surrounded by students. At the center of the crowd was a table full of t-shirts with funny sayings or pictures. One in particular caught my eye; on the front was a picture of John Belushi from the movie “Animal House.” Awesome.

Belushi College

At this point, I had been wearing, washing and re-wearing the same six FTL t-shirts for nearly a month. So I inquired and one of the representatives told me I could have the Belushi shirt if I filled out a form signing up for a new credit card. Overcome by my hatred of doing laundry, I caved. Bush league. I know.

Several weeks later, life was very different. My shirts from home had arrived. My Belushi shirt had its place in my collection. My new credit card was cancelled and my mailbox was stuffed daily with dozens of unsolicited pieces of mail offering me other new credit cards - credit cards I did not want.

The BM was born. I started sending the business reply by mail envelopes back. I sent them back empty, full of the information sent by other credit card companies, trash left in the dorm mail room. I didn’t care. Nine years and seven moves later, I still receive between 3 and 6 credit card offers a day. I also still send the business reply envelopes back. What can I say? I’m regular.

I hope you are moved to help out. That reminds me, I have some mail to send.

LOST 401

Personal, Reviews, Television, World — acosta @ 10:33 am

I have been very excited about the beginning of this season of Lost for quite some time. My excitement was augmented by my meeting/sitting next to Matt Fox (Jack Shepherd) on a plane from Seattle to Redmond, OR in late December. Alas, last night I was not able to watch the show, so I will watch it today. However, this morning’s blog feeds did not bode well for episode 401. From Commentary’s blog Contentions comes this short post. And I quote:

Gibberish. It was absolute and total gibberish. Once again, it simply set up a series of new unanswered peculiarities rather than doing a thing to address the 27 plotlines its writers have already laid out. In particular, the revelation that Dr. Jack’s doctor father is also an Invisible Man living in a cabin on the Lost Island — if you’ve never watched, don’t ask — relocated Lost to the land of camp. I don’t think there is now any question that the writers and producers of Lost are just making it up as they go along, that they have created mysteries without first knowing the solutions and that, when they reach a dead end, they just make up another mystery. We’ve been had.

Damn it. Of course, this is exactly the crap that every Lost fan is afraid of, and exactly the type of writing that convinced me in the middle of Season 2 to stop watching (I decided to keep watching, in the end). I hope my feelings on the episode are somewhat less negative, but I doubt it.

Cheers.

MATLAB IS INFURIATING BUT HERE’S SOME CODE

Personal, Science, Technical — acosta @ 11:42 am

I’ve had to do a lot of work in Matlab recently, not because I want to work in Matlab or learn a new (albeit very contrived) language. The only reason is that I prefer not to rewrite huge sections of Matlab code that do a lot of the important work for me in my bioinformatics applications. Yes, I could write my own principal component engine, my own golay smoothing, my own normalizations and plotting code, my own peak discovery and alignment code, but hell … why would I do all of that, especially since this application is not particularly computationally expensive. Knowing that all these functions already exist in Matlab, I thought maybe this would be a one day project. Little did I know that Matlab totally sucks. Let me give an example. Let’s say you want to plot a bunch of points from some matrix of data, and some of those points come from group 1, some from group 2, etc. You’d think in something like Matlab this would be obvious. And indeed, at first approximation it is. In theory you just use a command ‘hold on’, which will hold the plot such that you can successively add data points to the plot and you won’t delete all the stuff you already added with the plot command. In theory this looks something like this (don’t worry about the other functions, they are hashes associated with each experiment such that the data gets plotted with groups of points correctly distinguished):

hold on;
for k = 1:numfiles
  for l = 1:numexpt
    if (isequal(char(grp(k)),expt(l).name)) pplot(l) = ...
    plot(P(k,compa),P(k,compb),plothash_a{l}, ...
    'MarkerSize',10,'MarkerEdgeColor','k','MarkerFaceColor',plothash_c{l});
    end
  end
end

Indeed, this works very well. So, let’s say instead I want to plot in 3D. So, I use the command ‘plot3′ instead of ‘plot’. Of course, one would expect this to be very simple. The part here that counts looks like:

hold on;
[...]
if (isequal(char(grp(k)),expt(l).name)) pplot(l) = …
plot3(P(k,compa),P(k,compb),P(k,compc),plothash_a{l}, …
‘MarkerSize’,10,’MarkerEdgeColor’,'k’,'MarkerFaceColor’,plothash_c{l});
[...]

Knowing that plot3 is the correct command, this produces a 2D plot only representative of the P(k,compa),P(k,compb) data segment. What the hell? So it turns out that if you hold a new plot with ‘hold on’, Matlab assumes you want a 2D plot. Then upon trying to plot in 3D, Matlab decides it is smarter than you are and that clearly your choice of a 2D plot outweighs your decision to use the ‘plot3′ command, and plots in 2D anyway without throwing an error. Why would ‘plot3′ tell me nothing??? I realize this is a pretty trivial complaint and there are plenty of other great examples of ridiculous crap in Matlab that makes no sense.

Anyway, done complaining. In a ton of data processing Matlab demos, the program asks you to important a series of files into a one data matrix, and does it with some very clumsy code that requires you to manually change the program every time you move to a new data set. Not really my style. Let’s say you have a bunch of data vectors organized in a series of directories (happens all the time), where the directories are representative of some data group that should be accessible as a unit. How about something like this:

repository = pwd;
expt = dir('*.enabled');
numexpt = size(expt,1);
for i = 1:numexpt
  repo{i} = strcat(repository,'/',expt(i).name,'/');
  file(i,:) = dir([repo{i} '*.csv']);
  num(i,:) = numel(file(i,:));
  files(i,:) = strcat(repo{i},{file(i,:).name});
end
expt = transpose(expt);
file = transpose(file);
num = transpose(num);
files = transpose(files);
numfiles = numel(files);
for k = 1:numfiles
  [X,Y(:,k)] = textread(files{k});
end

I use the transposes just because they are nice later in my code, they are certainly not required. I am no Matlab programmer, and I know some of you out there are, so any suggestions as to better file import mechanisms would be greatly appreciated. Short of that though, this is a million times better and far more general than the crap they put you through in the Matlab demos (specifically anything in the bioinformatics sections).

Cheers.

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